Guide
Where to Meet Alternative Singles: Online and After Dark
Online if you'd like the filtering done for you, offline if you'd rather meet people where the music is.
Where do alternative singles actually meet?
Online, an alternative dating site such as 2cool2date suits anyone who would rather know someone's scene before saying hello. Offline, go where the music and the look already live: gigs, alternative club nights, tattoo conventions, record shops, alternative markets and hobby groups. Each is good at different things, and nothing stops you doing both.
Here's an honest look at what each is good for, where it falls down, and how to say hello in person without becoming the story someone tells their friends the next day.
Online: an alternative dating site does the filtering
The big advantage of a site built for the alternative crowd is that you skip the bit where you explain to someone that black isn't a phase. A profile can show someone's look, their scene and what they're after before you type a word, and you choose who you're looking for at sign-up.
Good for
- Seeing someone's style, music and intentions up front
- Daily match suggestions that weigh distance, shared interests and what each of you is after
- Getting to know people through their posts in the discovery feed and Spaces, not just their photos
- Talking at your own pace, from a phone, tablet or computer
Less good for
- Knowing what someone is like in a room: only meeting tells you that
- Certainty: checks are optional, and nobody checks every profile
- Instant results: messages take time, and some people go quiet
2cool2date also belongs to a wider network of partner sites. People who joined through one of those can see your profile, and you can browse and message them as well. Membership is 18+ only, and the site works in any web browser or as a web app on your phone's home screen.
If you know your scene, start with goth dating, emo dating, metalhead dating or tattoo dating. The features page shows what members can do.
Offline: where the alternative crowd already goes
None of these is a dating venue, and that's the point: you meet people as themselves, doing something they'd do anyway.
| Place | Good for | Watch out for |
|---|---|---|
| Gigs | Shared taste is a given, and "first time seeing them?" is a ready-made opener | It's loud and people came for the band, so keep to the gaps between sets |
| Alternative club nights | Everyone's dressed up, and the smoking area and the bar queue are made for chatting | Late, loud and boozy; people out with friends may not want company |
| Tattoo conventions | Hours of art to talk about with people who share your taste | Artists are working; never interrupt anyone in the chair |
| Record shops | Quiet enough to talk, and whatever they're holding starts the conversation | Visits are short; a quick hello beats hovering by the racks |
| Alternative markets | Daytime, relaxed and full of makers happy to talk about their work | Stallholders are working, so chat, buy something and let them serve |
| Hobby groups | The same faces each week, so you get to know people slowly | If it goes wrong, you'll still see them every week |
Hobby groups are underrated. Corset-making and sewing workshops, tabletop gaming nights, art classes and photography walks put you in a room with the same people week after week, which is how plenty of good things start. Go for the hobby; anything else is a bonus. To find them, check local listings, venue noticeboards and the flyers by the till in record shops.
How to say hello at a gig without being that person
Approaching someone offline is fine. Approaching them badly is how a good night gets ruined for both of you. A hello that goes well tends to look like this:
- Read the room. Headphones in, deep in conversation, mid-dance, working a stall or sitting in a tattoo chair all mean not now.
- Start with the shared thing: the band, the art, the record in their hand. Compliment choices, never bodies.
- Keep it short and leave them an easy out, like "anyway, enjoy the set".
- Take no for an answer. Short replies, turning away or "I'm with friends" all mean no: smile, step back, and don't try again later that night.
Hands off, always. Don't touch anyone's hair, corset, piercings or tattoos without asking, and don't photograph people without their say-so. No outfit is an invitation; the person wearing it decides who talks to them, and when.
And if you spot someone you recognise from 2cool2date, leave them be unless they've told you they're happy to be approached. Not everyone wants their dating life walking up to them at the bar. Once you've got talking and want to meet properly, our alternative date ideas help with the plan, and the rest of our dating guides cover what comes next.
Questions about meeting the alternative crowd
Where can I meet goths?
Online, on an alternative dating site like 2cool2date, where you can see someone's corner of the scene before you write. Offline, try goth and darkwave club nights, post-punk gigs, alternative markets and vintage fairs. See the goth dating page for more.
How do I meet alternative people if I'm shy?
Start online, where you can take your time over a message, or join a hobby group, where you'll see the same faces each week and conversation builds slowly. Both are gentler than shouting over a band.
Do I have to be alternative to join an alternative dating site?
No. If you fancy goths, punks, metalheads or tattooed and pierced people, you're welcome too. Bring curiosity: ask about the music and the style, and never treat someone's look as a costume or the whole conversation.
Is it OK to approach someone at a gig?
Yes, between sets and with some care. Read the room, start with the music, keep it short and take any hint that they're not keen as a no. If they want to keep talking, they'll let you know.
Is it safe to meet someone from an alternative dating site?
It can be, if you take the usual precautions. Keep talking on the site until you're ready, meet somewhere busy, tell a friend your plans and make your own way there and back. The meeting safely guide covers it properly.
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