Guide
Alternative Dating Profile Tips: Stand Out in a Sea of Black
Honest photos, a bio with real details and your private life kept private: the profile the right people want to answer.
What should an alternative dating profile say?
Show your style honestly, say something specific and be clear about what you want. In practice that means three good photos (a full-length outfit shot, a clear face, one of you doing something you enjoy), a bio that names what you're listening to and how you spend a Saturday night, and nothing that gives away where you live.
On an alternative dating site, black is the default setting. What makes someone stop scrolling is the detail: the boots you saved up for, the record you can't stop playing, the strange little museum you'd drag a date to.
Think of it as the poster for a gig you're headlining: nobody needs your life story, just a reason to come to the show. Once it's done, the first message tips cover what to say next.
Three photos that show your style honestly
No photoshoot needed, just three pictures that answer what people wonder before they write.
- A full-length outfit shot
- The whole look, boots to hair, in decent light. A window in daylight beats a dark club: if the eyeliner took twenty minutes, let people see it.
- A clear face shot
- Recent, no sunglasses, no heavy filter, not the third face from the left in a group. Dramatic make-up is welcome. A face hidden behind a fringe, a hood and a filter is not.
- You, doing something you like
- Flicking through records, sewing a corset, at the barrier of a gig, painting miniatures, wandering somewhere old and overgrown. It hands people something to ask about.
Tattoos and piercings belong in the pictures if they're part of how you look, and healed work photographs better than a fresh piece under cling film. If ink is a big part of your life, see the tattoo dating page.
On a strictly 18+ site like this one, fetish fashion counts as style: leather, latex, PVC, corsets and collars worn with confidence. Keep it suggestive rather than explicit. Images that might be explicit are blurred behind a warning until the viewer chooses to look, and a blur is a strange way to say hello. Anyone else in a shot should be happy to be there, or cropped out.
What to write on a dating profile, and what to cut
Adjectives are cheap. Everyone is "easy-going", "fun" and "up for a laugh", and nobody believes it until they've met you. Specifics show your taste and hand people a ready-made first message.
Four to six short lines will do: what you're playing to death right now (genre is fine if you'd rather not start an argument), what a good Saturday night looks like, one thing nobody would guess and what you're hoping to find. Borrow the shape of these, not the words:
- "Currently: post-punk on repeat, half a corset on the dress form and firm views on winged liner. Saturdays are a gig if there's one worth the train fare, a horror double bill if there isn't."
- "Metalhead, earplugs in, usually near the sound desk. Allergic to summer, fond of thunderstorms. Looking for someone to go to gigs with and see what happens."
- "Trad goth with an office job and a wardrobe in every shade of black. Ask me about the barbecue I attended in full velvet."
Cut the lyric quotes, the list of things you hate and the line about not wanting drama. A profile that sounds like a warning notice gets read like one.
Say what you want and save everyone an evening
A fling, something casual, a regular thing, a partner in crime for the front row or just new friends: all fine, and all easier when you say so from the start. People who want the same will write, and the rest can scroll on with no hard feelings.
Going casual? Our casual dating tips cover how to put it in a bio and how to agree the ground rules once you're talking.
It helps the site help you, too: the daily match suggestions weigh what each person is after, shared interests and distance, so a blank profile gives them little to work with.
Boundaries belong here as well. If there's a topic you'd rather not be asked about, say so. What you wear in your photos is your style, not an invitation, and anyone worth meeting knows that already.
Red flags hiding in your own profile
Read it back as a stranger would, and watch for these:
- Rules before hello
- "No time-wasters, don't message me if..." reads as bitter, even when you meant efficient.
- Gatekeeping
- Sneering at "fake goths" or anyone else's scene puts off far more people than it impresses. Everybody was new to the scene once.
- Photos from three hair colours ago
- Update them. Turning up looking nothing like your pictures sinks a date before the first drink.
- Explicit in line one
- Flirty is good. Opening with something explicit tells people what you expect before they've said a word.
| Part | Do | Do not |
|---|---|---|
| Main photo | Your face, recent, good light | Sunglasses, group shots, heavy filters |
| Outfit shot | The full look, boots and all | Anything explicit |
| Bio | Music, Saturday nights, one surprise | Adjectives, rules, lyric quotes |
| What you want | Say it plainly | Leave people guessing |
| Username | A new one, just for here | Your real name or a handle you use elsewhere |
Keep a little mystery: private details stay private
Your profile runs under a username, and your real name and email are never shown publicly. Location appears as your nearest town or city, never an address or where you are right now. Don't undo all that in the bio.
Choose a username you don't use anywhere else, because handles can be searched. Leave your surname, workplace, street and social accounts off the page, then check the photos: a house number, a work lanyard or the view from your window can give away more than you meant.
The ID check is optional and won't cost you anything. Pass it and your profile carries an ID verified badge, so people can see your ID has been checked without you posting anything more. Before meeting anyone, read the meeting safely guide and the safety page; there's more in our dating guides.
Profile questions people ask
What should I write in a goth dating profile?
Name your corner of the scene (trad, Victorian, cyber or something of your own), what's on repeat and what a good night out looks like. Specific beats mysterious. There's more on the scene itself on the goth dating page.
How many photos should I add?
Three covers it: face, full outfit, and you doing something you enjoy. Add more only if each one shows something new. Ten near-identical mirror selfies say less than three good pictures.
Should I show my tattoos and piercings?
If they're part of how you look day to day, yes: they set expectations and start conversations. A piece distinctive enough for people you know to spot can stay out of your main photo.
Can I use the same photos as my social accounts?
Better not. A reverse image search can link a picture back to your other accounts, and from there to your real name. Use photos that only live on your dating profile.
Will people see where I live?
No. Members see your nearest town or city, never your address or live location, and your real name and email stay hidden. Just keep your street and your job out of the bio and the backgrounds of your photos.
Put Your Best Boot Forward
Build it tonight: three honest photos, a few lines with real detail in them, and your private life kept to yourself.
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